Death Almost Killed Me
Posted by Troy | Filed under Cancer, Faith
Since I was first diagnosed with cancer in 2000, I’ve had several occasions when I wondered if I might die…
If I’d be alive the next day, week, month, or year…
But only one time did I actually think, “this is it.”
It was around February, a very depressing time of year in northern Michigan… gray, cold, wet…
I was home with my family recovering from a round of chemotherapy and the long trip back from the Cleveland Clinic.
I came down with a cold.
When you’re on chemo, a cold can kill you… and the way I felt (physically), I thought this one just might.
I even snapped at my wife, who was dying a bit herself, trying to take care of me.
The next Sunday, we somehow dragged ourselved out of the house to get to church…
I have no idea what the songs or the sermon were that day.
I do remember that on our way out the door, our pastor stopped us… he could tell I was hurting.
He asked “Do you want to blame God?”
I didn’t really.
He said, “Go ahead! He can handle it!”
It gave whole new meaning to “casting your cares” upon God.
The freedom to unleash my anxiety and frustration and fears and death and whatever…
And not just “trust” God with those things, but to really let him have it.
It just may have saved my life.
Tags: Cancer, Faith, illustration, original illustration
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11 Responses to “Death Almost Killed Me”
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Self-Portrait Illustration | Says:
August 26th, 2009 at 7:45 pm[...] illustration to accompany a recent blog post on strong odors about a difficult day dealing with [...]
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Dad Says:
August 26th, 2009 at 8:24 pmThis made me cry. Thanks Troy.
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tim clark Says:
August 26th, 2009 at 9:36 pmthat’s good preachin’.
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Tiff Says:
August 26th, 2009 at 9:42 pmI think it goes w/o saying that I was already crying by the time I saw the illustration. This really made me think. We say we trust God, we say we cast our cares on him, but why do we only bestow our worries and frustration in rations. Do we think this little of God’s capabilities and strength. Thank you for sharing this. I love you.
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Laura Olson Says:
August 27th, 2009 at 6:21 amThanks for sharing your struggle. We forget that our tests give us a testimony and that helps others with the things they are dealing with. So often we hold onto things instead of just releasing them to God’s power in our life to work them out for his glory. Everyday is a gift no matter what kind of day it is and a heart of gratitude keeps us in the right frame of mind. Keep up the good work and trust your Father!
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Doris Says:
August 27th, 2009 at 6:40 amTroy, you’re such an inspiration to so many people, including me. Thanks for being so open and real. love ya
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Don Watkins Says:
August 28th, 2009 at 8:04 amTroy– Between work, his skydiving avocation, the passing of a skydiving friend, birth of a new grandchild in Ann Arbor, and family items, it seemed like lately your Dad was dealing with more than I could handle. I attributed his survival to his strong faith and stamina. I forgot — I don’t know how I could have forgotten — that in you he has a inspirational role model.
My neighbors, my wife and I were reflecting recently on how amazing it is to see our grown children surpass us in accomplishments, careers and service — and how wonderful it is. You set a remarkable example for all of us.
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tim clark Says:
August 28th, 2009 at 9:59 amI did not intend to post under Melanie’s name earlier, and I also did not intend for that comment to sound so redneck. I’m sorry about that.
Your battle with cancer really changed the path of my life, Troy. I realized that I could have been you – the one dying. I needed to wake up. It seems that my greatest growth as a person has centered around death. Solomon was right when he said, “A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth. It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.” Ecclesiastes 7:1-3. So true. -
Troy Says:
August 28th, 2009 at 5:53 pmI don’t mind when you sound like a redneck.
I like it actually. -
david griffiths Says:
August 30th, 2009 at 9:45 amI hope you don’t mind, but I’m recounting this story in a sermon. If I remember, I’ll track back to your blog. Thanks for baring it, brother.
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Troy Says:
August 30th, 2009 at 9:51 amI think that would be lovely, David.
I hope that more people can understand God’s grace through my situation… rather than any sort of inspiration from my endurance… I’ll write more on that another day…
